Navigating the Abyss: A Journey through The Liminal
In the serene passages of existence, a realm exists neither here nor there — a space in between known as The Liminal. A recent parting of ways with my lover thrust me into this enigmatic dimension, triggering a descent into the depths of my psyche.
This separation, set against an oppressive Alabama Autumn backdrop, marked the definitive conclusion of an emotional two-year journey. The two of us managed to make it out of the on-again-off-again relationship while maintaining our sobriety. However, we were both reeling from the heavy energies exchanged.
By a twist of fate, our passionate journey followed the cosmic two-year path of the Taurus/Scorpio eclipse season inaugurated in October 2021 and concluded in October 2023. Our story unfolded in sync with this celestial timeline, commencing in November 2021 and reaching its somber conclusion just before the curtain fell on the last Taurus/Scorpio lunar eclipse in September 2023.
The night we first crossed paths, it was serendipitous that he took notice of the freshly-inked moon phases decorating the inner curve of my elbow. The conversation turned to tattoos, and he expressed an interest in getting a key inked, drawn to its spiritual significance. When he spilled a large cup of soda on my brand-new sneakers, I perceived the accident as confirmation from my higher power that the chapter unfolding between us was destined to carry profound significance.
This relationship served as a divinely orchestrated catalyst, propelling me to confront my oldest and most profound trauma. Within the confines of this romantic entanglement, he embodied a fatherly love that I’d never experienced — a warmth, gentleness, and sensitivity that resonated with the depths of my unresolved issues. In his presence, I found a sanctuary where my long-buried wounds resurfaced.
Ultimately, as we embarked on separate paths, my only recourse was to tend to these reopened wounds as best I knew how. I plunged into The Liminal’s densest recesses and emerged a transformed woman on the other side.
Meeting with Goddess Hecate
Guided by Hecate’s wisdom and the glow of her torch, we encountered each other at the threshold, and she swiftly became my unwavering companion. Her arrival preceded my descent by a few weeks, and in her distinct manner, she would signal her presence and generously impart her energy. This marked our second consequential initiation at the crossroads, where unresolved matters from our previous journey lingered.
Although The Liminal is familiar territory, I hesitated to embrace Hecate’s invitation. This transitional realm has manifested in multiple forms throughout my life, weaving its presence since birth. A tangible illustration of this space lies in the house of my upbringing, which is adjacent to a private airport. Everywhere I’ve called home, a limen, a distinctive boundary, has delineated the space, creating a recurring in-between motif in the landscape of my experiences.
At the tender age of three, I found myself physically navigating the liminal spaces within my existence. The catalyst for this exploration was my parents’ divorce, which led me to simultaneously inhabit three residences — those of my mom, dad, and grandparents. By the time I turned five, the after-school daycare I frequented became another manifestation of The Liminal in my daily life.
Amidst the physical in-between spaces, I also traversed the realms of mental liminality through the corridors of my imagination. Always armed with a book, I embraced the teleportation of time, transcending ordinary moments and delving into the stories that unfolded within the pages of my literary companions.
In this journey, my soul — unconsciously led by my spirit team — embarked upon The Liminal. Stepping beyond the threshold into the realm of darkness, my patron goddess assumed the role of a celestial guide, navigating alongside me through the intricate shadows of my soul. She skillfully led me through the cathartic descent, the transformative singularity, and the subsequent ascension process.
The Descent
Resonances of abandonment, rejection, and betrayal echoed through the core of my being, propelling me into the abyss of emotional turmoil. I braced myself for a turbulent journey into the depths of ancient, unsettled territories.
As we descended into the depths of the black hole, flashbacks from my initial Liminal initiation flooded my mind. Five years ago, Mary Magdalene stood with me inside the tomb. It was a late February night, and her spirit provided solace while I lay in the mud, seeking warmth, and confessed all my sins to my Father. Before this moment, MM had imparted teachings on self-healing through the exorcism of demons. The technique she shared became a tool I wielded on myself.
Way Down We Go
As we neared the singularity of the black hole, the very fabric of our reality started to tear, abruptly bringing me back to the present. Time and space, once stable, began to waver and interchange. In a trance, my gaze fixated on the wall before me, and a vivid scene unfolded. A snapshot materialized, showcasing a younger version of myself standing before a Christmas tree. The faded image revealed my long blonde pigtails and crooked teeth as I grinned for the camera. The smile, though broad, couldn’t conceal the underlying sadness in my eyes. Perched above my head, an angel in a white dress adorned the tree, resembling a princess in her ethereal grace.
A different image flickered onto the screen — a photograph capturing my ex and me in a headshot. This snapshot encapsulated a crucial juncture in our relationship, a moment where we could have bid farewell, salvaged each other, and sustained a friendship thereafter. Tears welled up and froze on my cheeks as the weight of that poignant realization settled in.
That image seamlessly transitioned into another photograph featuring my dad and me. It captured one of the last moments we shared, symbolizing a period before our relationship crumbled. Our narrative unfolded as a tragic tale, manipulated by puppeteers, where neither of us controlled the unfolding circumstances.
At this juncture, I was completely suspended in time, my tears no longer streaming but freezing in place. I stood there, immersed in the eternal void of zero, existing beyond binary distinctions — neither yes nor no, true nor false, alive nor dead. Just a vessel emptied of its light.
A resounding big bang ruptured the eternal bliss, jolting me back to awareness. Emerging from the shadows, three dark knights approached in silence, presenting me with a pair of glasses. As I slid them on, I was instantly transported to a parallel universe. In this new reality, the entrance to a roller coaster materialized, and the dark knights extended an invitation to Hecate and me. Once aboard, the carts propelled us into motion, whisking us away faster than the speed of light.
The roller coaster tracks navigated us through a series of ups and downs, back and forth, as we crossed the event horizon boundary safely. The steel structures supporting the roller coaster mimicked the double-helix strands of DNA. I tried to gauge their extent, but they seemed to sprawl infinitely in every direction.
As the roller coaster gradually decelerated, billboards emerged, seemingly containing memories hidden behind the fibrous strands. These billboards were adorned with crystalline shards, some familiar and others unfamiliar. One depicted a young man screaming in terror as a wall of coal came tumbling down around him. As we drew nearer, I recognized him — the same face whose high school picture once adorned the walls of my childhood home. My heart ached for this young man, who would eventually become my grandfather. He was a miner who spent his whole life in a black hole. From sun up to sun down, he worked to provide a comfortable living for his family.
The subsequent strand showcased a wall adorned with Egyptian hieroglyphics. In astonishment, I muttered, “I AM THE ALL GOS ALL THE AM I.” A sudden realization struck me: English was the only language I knew. How, then, could I read and comprehend these ancient symbols?
Seeking reassurance, I turned to Hecate, who responded with a silent nod. Her silky voice resonated within my mind, saying, “This is your family’s DNA.” She then directed my attention to another strand.
The imagery portrayed a priestess seated in her designated spot above the earth’s vapors, a scene reminiscent of the Oracle of Delphi. The familiarity struck me; I had encountered this woman’s face before. Upon closer scrutiny, the face of the priestess revealed itself to be that of my grandmother.
“Granny!” I exclaimed.
My humble salt-of-the-earth, country-as-cornbread grandmother as the high priestess of Delphi? No wonder she was at church every time the doors opened.
Hecate knew what I was thinking — her grandmother sat as the Oracle of Delphi. She nodded in confirmation. Her lips formed into a small smile, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
“Then that means I’m Hecate? I’m you?” I asked.
“Yes, you are me in another timeline, in another multiverse. You are Hecate, the High Priestess of The Underworld.”
As our ride concluded, I remained seated, tears streaming down my face. The cascade of emotions was so profound that the tears pooled together, forming a well. Seeing this well-shaped manifestation of my emotions triggered even more tears, creating a poignant and cathartic release.
Within this space, I purged the lingering remnants of old traumas. I expelled the crystallized forms of rage, pain, nausea, grief, and sadness that had taken residence in the darkest corners of my psyche. With a conscious release, I let go of my ex and freed myself from the hold of my Father. The wounds of betrayal and rejection dissolved, allowing the scars to fade into the ether.
In the comforting embrace of the goddess Hecate, I discovered solace. Side by side, we offered prayers for the women in my family, recognizing that none had escaped the impact of our generational trauma. Our plea was for swift healing within their souls. With gratitude, we acknowledged the presence of the dark knights and then turned, ready to navigate our way to the other side.
Ascending from The Abyss
A new dawn awaited. Stepping out of the City of the In-Between, I felt a lightness I hadn’t experienced in years. I was an immigrant traveling a new-yet-old path toward my next destination. The Liminal, once a labyrinth of despair, transformed into a crucible of personal growth. Each step out of the shadows was a victory, a testament to resilience and self-love.
As I trudged toward my happy destiny, I bid farewell to the old me, leaving behind Amanda 2.0 and her fragmented soul for my ancestors. I was ready to unveil Amanda 3.0. I had carried her in my conscience for two years and in my unconscious for eternity. In just a few more months, she would be ready for revelation.
Encounters with Archangels
At the threshold exiting The Liminal, Archangel Michael stood as a guardian, offering strength and protection.
Days later, Archangel Azrael appeared to me, bringing solace amid grief and revealing a mission resonating with my soul’s depths.
After this initiation, I found solace in self-imposed isolation within my studio apartment overlooking the water. It had become a symbolic crossroads and transformed into my enchanted castle. I envisioned it in a parallel universe, where Cinderella might choose to live after parting ways with her ex-husband, Prince Charming.
In this timeline, the Divine gave Cinderella a new name. Now known as Ella, she hosted intimate dinner parties with her best girlfriends, and her animal companions freely entered and exited through the sliding glass doors. A new friend, Frederique the Frog, regularly visited her balcony. Ella thrived in this space, using it as a canvas to rebuild her life. The cocoon of this apartment provided a safe and tranquil environment for her to co-create her future, with Hecate assuming the role of her Fairy Godmother.
In the dance between light and shadow, my journey through The Liminal became a testament to the transformative power within. Emerging from the abyss, I carry the wisdom of Hecate and the blessings of archangels, fueled by a mission to illuminate the path for others navigating their liminal landscapes. The Liminal, once feared, is now embraced — a realm where healing and self-discovery intertwine.
THE END.
